So by now even those of us who didn’t tune into the presidential debate or those who did and fell asleep already know that Romney wants to cut off Big Bird’s head and serve his carcass at the White House thanksgiving dinner. I personally thought Big Bird was a giant chicken not a turkey, but maybe Mormons have a thing against eating turkeys.
All kidding aside, though, he does want to cut the federal funding for PBS because apparently cutting 1/100th of a percent of the budget will save this country from going into bankruptcy. I guess we should just be glad that a financial genius like Romney is watching out for us. Once we get past his hidden bank accounts, uncountable flip flops, innumerable lies, and just intolerable personality, maybe he would make a good president.
And maybe Big Bird is not covered in yellow feathers.
Truth is that yes, there’s no reason for the federal government to pay for public broadcasting, but the truth is also that cutting that portion of the budget won’t save America from its impending financial collapse. But don’t worry; Romney is going to save us from another expensive threat. He’s going to cut Obamacare and then replace it with Romneycare because maybe it’s a tad bit cheaper.
But hey, Romney does have good intentions. I mean he wants to continue killing innocent people in the Middle East. Goodness knows, we wouldn’t want to spread Western democracy with peace or a good example. Bullets and bombs are always better persuaders and they never turn anyone into an enemy. At least that’s what Fox News would have us believe but I’m pretty sure that Romney and O’Riley are a gayer couple than Bert and Ernie. They’re just a bit more closeted. Mormons don’t really take kindly to the whole sodomy thing.
But you know what, I have a better idea. Lets stop bombing countries to bits. Let’s just admit once and for all that we’re only pissing people off and giving all those evil terrorist organizations more reasons to wipe America off the globe. Not to mention we’re just wasting a bunch of China’s money, and someday they’re going to want it back and pointing to burnt corpses in mass graves as an IOU isn’t going to cut it.
So maybe, just maybe, we stop the damn drone attacks over Pakistan and take the troops out of the Middle East. I don’t know, maybe I’m crazy, but perhaps a war in Iran is just as costly and stupid as was invading Iraq in 2003. Oh, but Romney did tell us that if we don’t stop Iran, their huge arsenal of invisible and inexistent nuclear arms will detonate in Israel and we’ll be screwed because, well, just because. I mean what would America do without her Zionist ally? So I guess, we might as well throw another trillion dollars, hell make it two, into the Middle East to wage unjustified wars. Who knows maybe those terrorist will suddenly decide that America’s killing of innocent bystanders is Allah’s way of punishing them for not being greedy, selfish, apathetic Westerners.
But first, we have to we cut PBS’s funding. As long as the evil Burt and Ernie take their flamboyant homosexual adventures away from the eyes of children, then everything will be alright. Romney can just drop his bombs and kill every single person in the world as long as Big Bird dies with them. And anyone who doubts that Romney can save this country, well, maybe they’ll find that Big Bird’s head isn’t the only one underneath the guillotine.
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