Donald Trump is the Republican nominee for President. 3 years ago that could have been the title of an article for The Onion. Today, it's just a statement of fact. A mind-numbing, insane, grotesque fact. No matter how unaware of it the mainstream media apparatus is of what's really happening, the greatest political shift since 1964, perhaps even 1860, is in the process of unraveling. With the ascension of a vulgar, narcissistic reality TV star...

Let me be perfectly up front about something... I hate using public bathrooms. They're filthy, almost always poorly maintained, and full of other human beings who I know are listening when I'm trying to relieve myself. However, from time to time I find it necessary to visit a public privy because there's no chance of me holding it until I get home. It's at these times that I try to find the emptiest stall at the very back of the room and pray to ...

“Sir, sir!” A scrawny, unassuming intern with thick glasses pines for his excellency's attentions over some meaningless diversion. Our great commander is about to finish the 18th hole with a big win over some schmuck he paid to lose, and this little ingrate with a half-shaven uni-brow has the nerve to interrupt, throwing papers at the President with such reckless abandon. “I'll look at it later!” Our fearless champion bellows, with triumphant ...

At the close of the film '300,' there's an entirely inaccurate depiction of the historical battle of Thermopylae which pitted the hordes of the Persian Empire against a tiny band of Spartan comrades blocking their route into Greece, the King of the Spartans (Leonidas, sporting an inexplicable Scottish accent) realizes the death and defeat of his men is imminent. His final act is a desperate javelin throw towards the Persian leader which appears t...

Remember Ebola? You know, the disease that's still ravaging Western Africa, and has been for years? Though you probably know it best for it's American tour in which exactly zero Americans died but everyone freaked out over like 13 year old girls freaked out about Twilight ending. That Ebola. I'm also sure you remember H1N1, Swine Flu, Bird Flu, Red Flu, Green Flu, Three Flu, Four Flu... Dr. Seuss published a paper on them all. In each and ...

The recently and unfortunately re-elected Governor of my state yesterday signed into law a policy that would require drug testing on welfare recipients. You might assume that I live in some southern enclave, or Arizona. No, my friends. I live in the Northern, civilized blue-state of Michigan. Rick Snyder, our CEO-in-chief, is indeed a Republican, but isn't what would be considered by the Tea-Party as being small-government enough for their taste....