The Helpless Canadian: "What is all of this chatter about the Keystone pipeline?"
The Helpless Canadian reads about the project and finds a great deal of support arguing on the side of economics and job creation.
The Helpless Canadian: "I think this pipeline could be a good thing for American-Canadian relations and will help improve the unemployment rate in both countries."
The Helpless Canadian looks into the other side of the argument to ensure that he has all of his facts straight. He finds an abundance of information suggesting that the pipeline will do a lot of environmental damage and the undeniable fact that oil is a dying source of fuel.
The Helpless Canadian: "What is this green technology? Apparently we have the means to generate enough energy to fuel the world through solar, hydro, wind and other alternatives. Since oil is not a sustainable source of fuel, why the hell would we build a pipeline underground, thousands of miles down the line?"
Further investigation points to profit as the main reason for building the pipeline.
The Helpless Canadian decides to take action and protest against the pipeline. While at gathering in his hometown, The Helpless Canadian meets with his local politician who agrees with his stance on the pipeline.
Local Politician: "You, sir, have your facts straight and you're clearly passionate about this project. Will you go to Washington with me and take this message to the House of Congress?"
The Helpless Canadian: "If it will help promote the switch to green technology and take the focus off of profit, I'll do it."
Local Politician: "Excellent! If it is alright with you, I'd like to do an interview with a reporter to generate some public interest in our endeavor."
The Helpless Canadian: "Yeah sure, I don't see any reason not to!"
After the interview, The Helpless Canadian packs his bags and heads toward the border. He heard this story of a Canadian heading over without a whole lot of money and ended up in jail for asking questions. He decides to lie and say he's only vacationing for a few days. Wouldn't want to be honest and suffer injustices...
Unfortunately, the interview The Helpless Canadian did with the politician caught national airwaves and drew American interest.
Border Guard: "What is your business in the United States?"
The Helpless Canadian: "I plan on vacationing in Pittsburgh for a couple days."
Border Guard: "That's funny, we have a news report here that says you are going to Washington to protest the Keystone pipeline."
The Helpless Canadian: "Uh, ummm, well I was going to the protest after Pittsburgh."
Border Guard: "You are going to have to go in for full inspection."
After several hours of intense interrogation, The Helpless Canadian thinks that he has no chance of entering the States. A border guard calls him back up to the counter and tells The Helpless Canadian to be on his way.
The Helpless Canadian: "Those border guards aren't all that bad after all, I guess. Now it's off to Washington!"
Upon arriving in Washington, The Helpless Canadian is approached by the local politician.
Local Politician: "Our news story has gotten a lot of good publicity. Will you speak today at a protest outside of the White House?"
The Helpless Canadian: "Really? Me? I suppose I could. If it helps people understand how this pipeline will impact future generations, I've gotta do it!"
As the protest rolls on, The Helpless Canadian is called up to the podium. He nails the speech and leaves people with a solid message and viable solutions. He's approached by a man in a suit who says he represents an environmental organization and asks The Helpless Canadian to come to a gathering at their headquarters. Filled with excitement and hope, The Helpless Canadian emphatically agrees!
While travelling to the headquarters, The Helpless Canadian realizes the directions he was given takes him along a stretch of road in the middle of nowhere.
The Helpless Canadian: "Wait a minute, the Bush Environmental Organization doesn't sound all that legitimate."
Seconds later The Helpless Canadian is struck by a drone. The Helpless Canadian did not die in vain as the explosion revealed a greater source of oil than the Alberta oil field thus nullifying the need for the Keystone pipeline!
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