Being an absolute degenerate waster is seen as a great achievement by most people, I know. Honestly, killing it with vodka has become somewhat of a sporting event, and frankly, since going to university I've been kicking it with the premier league. My newsfeed is constantly filled with pictures of pretty girls and their poor decisions (read: dry humping some random drunk dude when they should be getting with me) and
'omg I was soooo ruined last night' statuses occur more frequently than sexism in the Bible.
Drinking to excess tends to be encouraged within higher education; it's how you make friends and eventually lose them. During my time at uni I've done some pretty crazy shit. Bad crazy. Not dumb little girl
'i'm a bit embarrassed now' stuff, genuinely bad serious things I've got myself into some major trouble over. One particular thing I did resulted in me giving up the sauce for three months (I'm 19, three months is a long time to me).
Over the years (I started drinking at 15) I've compiled a list of rules which help make a night on the town the best that it can be. So if you will be going to uni soon, or are just generally considering alcoholism then this is for you:
The night's not over until someone makes you go home. This tends to be the bouncers cos let's face facts - your drunk arse has probably been sick, started a fight or is dancing alone on the middle of the dance floor after closing time and has to be escorted out. If you've brought your game face though, you may be going back to someone else's place, but this probably won't happen. I go out about three times a week and getting laid is still such a rare occurrence that I contact everyone I know when it happens so they can congratulate me.
Don't put too much effort into your appearance, you're just going to get drunk and will end up looking like a fool anyway. Okay, this rule may explain my lack of sex. But seriously, it's really annoying when your friend drags you home because her feet hurt from her ridiculous shoes. Don't be that guy.
Don't take anything out which you aren't prepared to lose. It's really shitty waking up and realising you've lost your new phone/necklace. If you have an old phone, take that with you - that way you will be less likely to drunk-dial that hot girl/guy you met the other day as well, it's a win-win situation.
Pre-drink the correct amount. This can be difficult. You need to get to the stage where you're drunk enough to not be able to smell the club but not so drunk that you're refused entry.
Don't think you're too sexy to dance, you're not. No one likes the kid that doesn't want to have fun. If you don't like dancing, stay at home.
Look out for your friends and get a taxi at the end of the night. Seriously, get a taxi home, walking back is not okay. If you insist on walking, at least practice your hard man walk so it's clear to everyone that you should not be messed with.
If you follow my rules you will wake up the next day with laddered tights and fun memories of your poor choices. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to drink a cup of something which has been known to blind people.
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